


Made-Up Adjectives and Pent-Up Frustrations

by Livelovelupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eventual Get Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, all the pining, unestablished relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-13 08:57:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21241508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livelovelupin/pseuds/Livelovelupin
Summary: Sirius is on a date, and Remus is all but frustrated.





	1. Part One

The thing is, Remus really,  _ really _ has no right to be angry.

Remus has no right to have an opinion on the matter in the first place, much less be angry (and heartbroken) about it. Since when do friends care about who their other friends are going out with? And how does Sirius currently being out on a date with Ravenclaw Thomas affect Remus? At all?

Remus angrily wipes his eyes and tries to focus on continuing the essay he’s working on. It was due the day after the last full moon, and since Remus was otherwise occupied then, he hasn’t done it. He should be doing it now, instead of thinking about the things about Thomas that caught Sirius’ attention.

Thomas is tall, but not tall in the way Remus is tall, with awkward limbs and hunched backs. Thomas is tall in an attractive way, where if he enters a room, everyone looks up, because he’s tall in a way that catches eyes. Thomas is the seeker on the Ravenclaw team, and he’s really good. Remus has Transfiguration with him, and he’s nice and sweet and helpful. Thomas has shiny blond hair and beauty marks  _ everywhere.  _ Thomas is a pure-blood wizard, and he isn’t a werewolf and…

Remus’ head hits the table he’s working on, and he groans. Okay, so Thomas is perfect. Whatever. Sirius deserves someone good, very very good, and Thomas is just that kind of person.

knowing that doesn’t actually make Remus feel any better, but it’s the truth, isn’t it? Remus groans again.

“Well, someone seems to be having a very good day, Remus.”

Remus immediately lifts his head and sees that the previously empty chair in front of him now has an amused looking Lily Evans sitting on it, with bright eyes and fiery hair. She is smiling softly at him, and Remus instantly feels a little less sorry for himself.

“You have no idea, Lily…” Remus says, and smiles, because he’s glad that he’s no longer alone with his thoughts, and as much as Remus loves the Hogwarts library, it’s very eerie when it’s empty.

And this is Lily.

“Well, you have company now! Where are your 9-year-old friends, anyway?” Lily asks, rearranging the books she put on the table and biting her lip. Remus knows that she just wants to know where James is, and Lily knows that Remus knows. It’s almost cute, Remus thinks, how much Lily actually cares for James, but would never say it out loud. Kind of like how much Remus cares for Sirius, except…

“They’re at Hogsmeade. Everyone’s at Hogsmeade, Lils. What are you doing here, anyway?”

“I have so much to catch up on! And I had to help Frank with his Potions essay, and I promised professor Binns that I would help clean out his desk, and--”

“Wow, Lily. And I feel overwhelmed.”

Lily just shrugs and begins writing on a piece of parchment in front of her. “It’s fun, most of it. Binns’ desk had definitely seen better days, but I found this really cool original copy of “Hogwarts: A History” from the actual year it was printed, and he let me keep it!” Lily is smiling even bigger now. “Anyway, not what I want to talk about. Why are there actual black clouds floating above your head, Mr. Lupin?”

Remus’ hand raises up to his head automatically. He tries to make one curl stick down but it’s no use. “There are no black clouds on my head.”

“Oh, please. You’re engulfed in them, Rem. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong! I am having a very relaxing weekend, actually. Probably the best one I’ve had in a while,” Remus says, aware only after the sentence leaves his lips that he has definitely overdone it. Oh well.

Lily smirks in a way that tells Remus that she knows something, but she doesn’t look up from her parchment. “Okay, Rem. I’m probably having an off day. I thought you felt a little lovesick, but--”

“Why would I be feeling--”

“Oh, cut the crap, Lupin.  _ I know, _ stupid. And it’s sweet, kind of.”

“Well, you’re not one to talk, Lils, are you? And I don’t even like Sirius, so--”

“Never said that you did.”

“Huh?” Remus asks, lost.

“I never said you liked Sirius, love. It’s good to know that you don’t, though,” Lily says, biting her cheek, and Remus lets his head fall on the table again. Lily bursts out laughing.

** _ …  _ **

** _ _ ** Remus leaves the library feeling exhausted but significantly less heavy-hearted, all thanks to one lovely Lily Evans.

Remus promised himself that, if by December, Lily and James are not officially a thing, he’s going to have to lock them in a closet until they confess their love, or have sex. It is so obvious to anyone that they are just meant to be, as cheesy as that sounds. And Remus doesn’t think he can handle much more of James being so obvious and obnoxious about liking Lily, and Lily thinking that nobody knows that she likes James. So, December is when Remus will take matters in his own hands, which seems fair enough.

It’s much easier to mess with other people’s love lives than figure out your own, isn’t it?

Lily leaves the library minutes before Remus does. It’s late, and the castle feels empty. ‘Empty’ is never a word Remus uses to describe Hogwarts, but it is a very pleasant change, and the deserted corridors Remus is walking through calm him, almost. They make his mind go blank.

It’s nice.

Remus mutters the password to the fat lady, and the little tranquil bubble that’s sheltering him from the vile things all around suddenly pops; the common room is empty, except for a very asleep Sirius Black in front of the fireplace. He is sitting down on the floor with his back resting on a loveseat behind him, his legs stretched out in front of him and a book open in his lap. His neck is at an angle that will, without a doubt, make him unable to look sideways for a week, probably, and his hands are crossed around his chest. He looks like he hadn’t meant to fall asleep.

Remus freezes. Sirius Black manages to look pretty even when he is actually sleeping, and how is that fair? His hair is covering his eyes and he is breathing steadily. Remus recognizes the book on his lap. It’s  _ The Trial _ , and Remus’ chest tightens, because it’s Remus’ copy, and Sirius is reading it after Remus told him that the ending made him angry; or at least Remus suspects that is the reason.

Remus tries to calm his heart down as he strides toward Sirius. He couldn’t leave him there, so he shakes his arm gently to wake him up. Except it doesn’t work, and Remus doesn’t expect it to; Sirius is the heaviest sleeper he knows, which is rather amusing if anything. Remus takes a deep breath and tries again, shaking Sirius’ arm more roughly this time around. Sirius is startled, eyes almost comically wide, and he takes a few moments to get fully awake. He yawns and looks at Remus, giving him a sleepy smile. And  _ fuck _ , what is Remus supposed to do with that?

“Hey, Rem,” Sirius says, voice ragged from sleep. He’s rubbing his eyes and sitting more comfortably on the ground. Remus tries to follow his lead, and he sits cross-legged right next to Sirius.

“Hey, Sirius,” Remus says, because he thinks he felt his brain short circuit. Remus’ voice was low and scratchy, also, but not from sleep, at all.

Sirius coughs, and he stares right ahead into the fire. If Remus didn’t know Sirius like he did, he’d think that Sirius is feeling awkward, but no, Sirius Black isn’t awkward, and he doesn’t need coughs and fidgeting to fill uncomfortable silence. Sirius coughs again, though, before he clears his throat.

“I took your book, I hope you don’t mind, “Sirius says, biting his lip. “I found it on your bed, thought might as well.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Super frustrating!”

“Huh?” Remus asks, because he doesn’t think he’s done anything frustrating in the last minute or two.

“The book. It’s just, I don’t know why it annoys me.”

Oh. “Oh.”

“Yes, ‘Oh’! It’s just that, people shouldn’t be held accountable for things they didn’t do. So unfair, it’s annoying.”

“Did you have a good time today?” Remus blurts and instantly cringes. He should have just kept talking about the book. Stupid.

Sirius looks confused for a second, before smiling softly. “Yeah, for the most part, yes. Thomas is very nice, it was fun, not sure if it’s going to happen again, though.”

Remus wants to ask why, wants Sirius to tell him more details, and he (guiltily) wants to jump up and down with actual, pure joy. He, however, does none of those things, and instead just hums absentmindedly.

“Oh, well. Better go to bed. It’s late. Where were you, anyway?”

“Working with Lils. Had quite a lot to catch up on.”

“Oh oh oh, better not let Jamie find out, then,” Sirius says, chuckling.

“Shut up!” Remus shoves Sirius playfully, but he honestly can’t help but smile. Sirius is just about to get up when Remus says, “It’s ‘Kafkaesque’.”

Sirius stays put and looks at Remus like he’s grown another head. Remus loves that look; he adores it. It’s like Sirius saying “I have no idea what you’re on about, but I’m sure it’s something brilliant or manic, and I’m in either way.” Remus feels like that look is full of affection, also, but he might be making that up.

“It’s what, now?”

“It’s ‘Kafkaesque’. It’s the way people describe how, well, unnecessarily frustrating it is, Kafka's entire plotlines, really..”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sirius starts, crossing his legs and facing Remus, “So this bloke’s writing is so distinctive, his name was turned into an adjective to solely describe it?”

“And to describe things just as absurd and unnecessary, but basically, yes.”

“How absolutely amazing, Remus!” Sirius exclaims, overly excited. It is in times like these that Remus remembers how much of a nerd Sirius actually is, and Remus loves that, also. Loves way too many things when it comes to Sirius.

“Pretty neat, huh?”

Sirius nods, touching the book cover while looking vaguely fascinated. “I want ‘Siriusesque’ to be a word, now.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, really! Not sure what it would describe, though.”

“Oh, you know what it would describe, alright.” Remus rolls his eyes.

“Do I?”

Remus doesn’t respond, not because he doesn’t know what to say, but because he knows exactly what to say and It’s scary, how much he’s tempted to just blurt everything out. How anything used to describe Sirius would describe recklessness and impulsiveness and impatience, but also sweetness and kindness and thoughtfulness. How the word ‘Siriusesque’ would probably just end up describing a paradox where opposite things fit so well together like they’re almost meant to be. Sirius is a lot of things, so anything ‘Siriusesque’ would not be simple, and it wouldn’t be something you could gloss over or understand easily. It would be something you could get lost in, trying to figure out.

Remus shrugs and gets up, helping Sirius get up as well. They head toward the dorm staircase and Sirius asks, “How does it end?”

“Like I am going to just tell you how it ends.” Remus shakes his head, “It won’t be nearly as frustrating.”

“Asshole,” Sirius mutters. “That’s what ‘Lupinesque’ would describe.”

“No,” Remus says blankly, “It would describe something wolf-like.”

Sirius snorts, “I honestly can’t believe that’s your actual name, Rem.”

Remus opens the dorm room door slowly, trying not to wake anyone up. “The universe is very funny, isn’t she?”

Remus heads to the bathroom to change his clothes and get ready for bed. When he comes out, he finds Sirius laying on his back, with the novel flying in front of him and his wand alight so he would be able to read. The sight makes Remus’ legs unsteady, the tiniest bit.

Remus gets into bed, and hears Sirius whisper, “If I’m that frustrated when I reach the ending, I’m gonna have to wake you up.”

“You wouldn’t dare, pads.”

“What else would I do with all that frustration? I’d explode, Re.”

Remus shakes his head as he fixes the pillows under his head. “Good night, Padfoot.”

“G’night, Rem...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these losers way too much!! Part 2 coming hopefully (?) soon. xx


	2. Part Two

*Contains spoilers to  _ The Trial _ by Franz Kafka.*

“You have to be fucking kidding me, Remus!”

Remus looks up from where he was idly staring at his half-eaten toast and eggs and sees Sirius walking through The Great Hall, looking like he’s seen better days. His hair is quite literally all over the place, his shirt untucked, and his school robes not put on correctly, where the right sleeve has fallen off his shoulder and is bunched up around his upper forearm.

Everyone is looking at Sirius as he makes his way down the Gryffindor dining table (he wasn’t exactly quiet). Sirius sits next to Remus and puts the book a little too violently down on the table, making James’ orange juice spill.

“Sirius!” James exclaims, trying to wipe away the orange stain on his white shirt. He only smudges the stain further, and he groans. Lily rolls her eyes and, with a wave of her wand, vanishes the stain away. And James always looks like he would kiss Lily, but that look suddenly intensifies. He mutters a ‘thank you!’ and Lily pretends not to hear it.

Sirius, who has been huffing loudly to get Remus’ attention, seems oblivious to the whole interaction. He huffs a little more, before all but yelling, “Remus!”

Remus cringes, just a little bit, because  _ no one  _ should be that loud in the morning. Remus suspects his brain doesn’t start to function properly before 10:00 a.m.

“Sirius!” Remus mock-screams, taking a sip from his now warm cup of tea. The day hasn’t even officially begun, and Remus already wants it over.

Sirius keeps glaring in the general direction of Remus, and it feels like everyone is staring at Sirius. Sirius doesn’t care, though, he never does. Sirius genuinely, truly couldn’t care less what other people thought of him. Remus wishes that were the case with him, but it isn’t.

“It’s pointless!” Sirius blurts, after a few moments. Remus almost doesn’t hear him over the usual morning chatter all around the table, but he does hear it, and he raises an eyebrow, smiling (only a tiny bit).

“Did you enjoy the ending, pads?”

“It’s pointless!” Sirius says, again. “It’s just that– We end right where we began! We go through all of that, and maze after maze after maze, and he– ugh, Remus!”

Remus likes seeing Sirius passionate about something. (And frustrated, oops). “It’s Kafkaesque, no?”

“Oh, honestly, screw that guy.”

Remus chuckles and hands Sirius a piece of toast. Sirius takes it and starts eating. Doesn’t stop him from talking, though.

“And the fact that K. seems to have the actual worst birthday in the history of birthdays.”

“When did you even have time to finish it?

“Finished it this morning, and honestly Remus, I’m never reading a book you tell me to read ever again. Screw you, Remus. You and stupid Franz Kafka.”

“Well,” Remus starts, biting his cheek, “objectively speaking, Sirius, seeing that Kafka managed to make you feel such strong emotions through words written on paper, one could argue that he is–”

Sirius throws his half-eaten toast at Remus and manages to spill James’s juice again. James pushes Sirius off his chair, and Sirius takes James down with him. They start wrestling in the middle of the Great Hall.

Remus takes one look at Lily, and laughs so hard he chokes on his food.

** … **

** ** It is just one of  _ those  _ days.

The days that just seem to drag on and on and on. Remus loves Hogwarts, and he loves the classes he takes, he really does, but he would actually sacrifice everything he loves in the world for this Ancient Runes class to be over.

It was the last period of the day, and Remus swears that the long arm of the clock has been stuck in the same place for a while, now. The class ends in five minutes, and they feel longer than the entire fucking day.

So yes, one of _ those  _ days.

Ancient Runes is the only subject that Remus takes and the rest of the marauders don’t. James and Peter are in Divination (a class that Remus hates more than turning into a werewolf once every month, really. The subject personally offends him), and Sirius is in Muggle Studies (because of course he is).

The bell finally rings, and Remus all but runs right out of the classroom. He is walking through the corridors heading towards the Gryffindor tower, where Remus plans on sleeping till the actual next day.

While he is walking, though, Lily appears next to him, out of nowhere. She seems giddy, and she falls in sync with Remus’ steps, walking with him.

“Well, well, well,” Lily starts, "Congrats!” She bumps her hip into Remus’, and Remus stumbles.

“What for, Lils?”

“For you and Sirius, dimwit.”

Remus stops walking, and Lily only realizes that she’s walking alone after she is a few steps in front of Remus. She turns around and raises an eyebrow.

Remus catches up with her. “What’s up with me and Sirius again?”

“That you told him!”

“I didn’t– What the hell are you on about?”

“What are you on about?” Lily asks. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, y’know.”

Remus stares idly at Lily, shaking his head slightly. Lily rolls her eyes.

“Well, if you were trying to be discreet about it, Lupin, you haven’t done a good job. Sirius walks in the great hall looking thoroughly fucked and–”

“ _ What?” _ Remus splutters.

“Oh, don’t play dumb, Remus,” Lily says, eyeing him. Her eyes widen, suddenly. “Unless you aren’t– Oh my god! You have told Sirius you liked him, right?”

Remus shakes his head. Lily pinches Remus’ forearm.

“Ouch!”

“Yes, ‘Ouch’! How oblivious can you be, love? I think _ I  _ was blushing at how you were flirting this morning.”

“We weren’t–”

“I thought the book was part of some roleplay or–”

“Lily!” Remus says, and he stops walking. Lily doesn’t, and turns back to look at Remus.

“You have to stop doing that. Come on, dinner.”

“I am not feeling quite hungry, Lily. See you at the Library? Seven?”

Lily shakes her head. “For the record, Remus, everyone thinks that–”

“See you later, Lils!” Remus exclaims, loudly, and even though he is walking in the opposite direction, he can almost see Lily rolling her eyes.

** … **

Remus thinks about a whole lot of things on his way to the dorm.

He thinks about how he has a paper due in two days, and how he’s been feeling more and more tired with the approaching moon. He starts to think about what Lily said, but he stops himself because he thinks it’s ridiculous.

It _ is  _ ridiculous. And sad. More sad than ridiculous, although Remus suspects that there have definitely been more interesting stories about unrequited love and all that. All Remus knows, is that this one-sided thing  _ sucks. _

_ _ Remus sighs as he opens the door to the dorm room. He closes the door behind him and rests against it, shutting his eyes. It has been a very, very–

“Long day?”

Remus lets out a breath. He thought he wanted to be alone, but he is glad that Sirius is with him. Always glad.

“The longest.” Remus takes off his shoes and puts his bag near the foot of his bed, before collapsing headfirst on it. His muscles are aching and his head hurts.

Sirius chuckles. “And so it seems… Want some food, Moony?”

“I’m good, thank you,” Remus replies, his voice muffled by his pillow. Remus gets queasy close to full moons, and even though the next full moon is still a full week away, Remus already just wants it over with.

There’s silence, after that, for the most part. Remus could hear some shuffling every now and then, and nothing else. Remus doses off for heaven knows how long, and he feels well-rested when someone shakes him awake.

Remus instantly knows it’s Sirius, because he just does. He knows the way Sirius smells, and he is aware that’s vaguely (not so vaguely) weird, but he knows Sirius. Knows little habits and likes and dislikes, and he knows how Sirius smells.

(Not weird.)

Remus sits up straight and rubs his eyes. Sirius sits right next to Remus, in his little bubble, and Remus doesn’t know if he wants Sirius to get up or never leave.

(Spoiler alert: he wants Sirius to never leave.)

“The house elves gave me some chocolate cupcakes. I think Winky is actually in love with you or something.”

Sirius has a plate piled with delicious-looking mini cupcakes, and he is smiling. Remus’ heart stops working for a second, or two.

“that’s– well, I don’t really like eating on my bed ‘cause the crumbs–”

“Shut up and eat, dimwit.”

Remus shakes his head, before taking a bite out of a cupcake. “That’s the second time I get called that today, actually.”

“Almost like the universe trying to tell you something, no?”

“Screw you, Sirius,” Remus says, hitting Sirius with his elbow softly. “And–thanks.”

Sirius smiles wider but doesn’t respond. He takes a cupcake as well.

“Please don’t get the crumbs over–”

“You’re such a killjoy, Lupin.”

“Am not!”

Sirius shakes his head. “You are, but that isn’t the point. I was thinking about K. and his unfortunate end today, in Transfiguration, mind you, you’re going to have to explain to me what we took later, but, anyway. I was thinking about it and I really, really don’t see a point.”

“how come?” Remus asks, taking another cupcake.

“It’s just, we start with K. getting arrested for something he didn’t do, or maybe he did do it, or whatever, and then the entire novel is about him trying to know what he did and then he just, he doesn’t achieve that, does he? He gets arrested again and he dies, and the whole year in between the first arrest and the second one is pointless. What is with that, anyway?”

“I think that’s partially the point, pads. It’s so frustrating because you think the book is going somewhere, and you think you’re going to get answers, and then you just don’t. Pretty genius, if you ask me.”

Sirius huffs. “Actually stupid, you mean. I hated it.”

“I don’t think you hated it.”

“I didn’t! I really didn’t. I just-I guess I wanted more.”

“Pretty genius that he left you wanting more.”

Sirius looks deep in thought. “Maybe, moons.”

Remus doesn’t know what to say. He feels tongue-tied all of a sudden. He gets up and stretches. “Where are James and Pete, anyway?”

“Probably annoying Lily or something.”

Remus chuckles. Well, serves Lily right. And besides, Remus doubts the James annoys Lily, still.

Remus sits down on their desk and opens his bag. He is still not technically behind in any classes, but he doesn’t want to chance it. He takes out a piece of parchment to start working on one of the many essays he has due next week. Sirius clears his throat, suddenly.

Remus turns his attention toward Sirius. He is still sitting on Remus’ bed, with the plate of cupcakes in his lap, and his hair is even messier than it was this morning. The sight tugs on Remus’ heartstrings. It breaks his heart. Remus raises an eyebrow.

“I should like him, you know. I really should.”

Remus is somehow more confused than before.

“Thomas is nice and kind and- and I can have him, y’know? I actually have a shot.”

Remus tries to keep his face passive. Of all the topics he thought they could talk about. He lets out a breath. “Go out with him again, then. Maybe get to know him better.” It takes everything in Remus not to grit his teeth.

“No!” Sirius says, not quite screaming but almost there. “Don’t tell me to do that. You aren’t supposed to, Remus. You’re supposed to– Well, not that!”

“I don’t really get–” Remus starts, but cuts himself off. He doesn’t understand what Sirius is on about, and he feels fatigued, almost. He’s tired, and he almost hates Lily for making him hope that… That there could be something more, with him and Sirius.

Sirius is staring at Remus, looking annoyed. And Remus honestly doesn’t know what Sirius expects him to say.

Sirius gets up, and Remus thinks he’s going to the door, but he heads toward Remus instead. He is standing in Remus’ little bubble, invading Remus’ space.

Remus wants to want Sirius to leave, but he doesn’t want that. Doesn’t think he’ll ever want that, because Sirius calms Remus, and he makes him laugh. And Sirius is kind and sweet and so, so beautiful it’s not fair.

“I don’t want to, Re,” Sirius whispers, and Remus nods, not sure if he could do anything else. Sirius is staring at Remus, intently, in a way that feels way too intimate for a stare.

Sirius closes his eyes, takes a breath, and opens his eyes again, a hesitant smile barely on his lips. “Can I– Well, not how I wanted this to– Can I kiss you, Remus?”

Remus thinks he hears Sirius wrong, he thinks he’s imagining the whole thing. But he isn’t, and this feels real. Sirius bites his lip.

“No,” Remus says, voice scratchy. Except he stands up and holds Sirius’ hand. He has been thinking about Sirius’ hands for about two years, give or take. He looks Sirius in his clear, grey eyes. “No, you can’t Sirius.” And Remus pulls Sirius forward, finally,  _ finally  _ kissing him.

** _ ~fin~ _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I love them too much!! And although I'm a day too late, HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY SIRIUS BLACK!!!! This was very fun to write, I hope you enjoy:)) xx


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